Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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