i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
