taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
