I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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