yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
