i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
