Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
babies were throwing up all over the place
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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