sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
