i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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