ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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