okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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