you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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