Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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