The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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