My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize