I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize