STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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