he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
