You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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