he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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