Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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