I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
