This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
