im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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