She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
