I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
