My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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