After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
