i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
