I think i peed on brittanys purse
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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