Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
