ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
