we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
