Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
dude. I can hear the air.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
