remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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