Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
