I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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