No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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