Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
