Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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