the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
