She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Your penis caused this!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
