you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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