why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
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i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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