You can't special order awesome
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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