I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
PANTIES FOUND
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