Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
