we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
