I wish they made helmets for livers.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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