worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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