I'm lost and stupid without you.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
