So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
