how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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