I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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