thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
