New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
