I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
