Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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