Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
