Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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