I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
