I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
