The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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