So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
