honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
