she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
