just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
