If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
