Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
