nut hugger
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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