Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
