Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
