Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
