I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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