Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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