I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my shit smells like andre
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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