The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just pee around me
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
