well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
