So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
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