Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
