Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
