You really coming over, don't trick.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
