what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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