I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Randomize
