in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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