next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
50% drunk capacity currently
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
