She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
