Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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