im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
